Duration: 5 minutes
Summary
David Beauchesne, a mathematics teacher in Sherbrooke, who is also an application developer and a cycling enthusiast.
Let's go!
(Lights. The comedian arrives on stage, looking a little out of breath, and adjusts his microphone.)
Good evening Sherbrooke! Wow.
(He takes a sip of water.)
Sorry, I just came from King Street. On foot. I'm even more out of breath than if I'd cycled up it.
In my day job, I'm a teacher. A math teacher.
(Silence or a few grunts in the room.)
Wow, the atmosphere just plummeted faster than my grade 11 students' passing grades.
No, but seriously, when I say that in a bar, it's automatic. "What do you do for a living?" "Math teacher." ... "Oh. Okay. Well, see you later." It kills any kind of flirting . There's nothing sexy about the cosine.
My job is to spend my days answering the oldest question in the world: "Sir, what good will algebra do me?"
The truth? Nothing.
Unless your goal in life is to calculate exactly how long it will take you to get nowhere if you continue not to pay attention in class. "If Kevin leaves his desk at 0.2 km/h and stops 4 times to tie his shoes..."
That's my life.
And being a teacher, as we know, is... it's a calling. You can't buy a cottage in the Eastern Townships with just the salary.
As a result, like any good teacher, I have a second job.
My second job... I'm an application developer. (Pause) Yes. I'm that nerd . By day, I teach $x+y$ . By night, I code in Python.
I make apps for Google. Add-ons ... They're small programs that sell for $4. I made an app to help teachers enter their schedules into their Google Calendar. It's called "Fast Schedule".
I spent 6 months coding this. I was so proud. I sold 14 licenses.
Fourteen.
I did the math. After taxes, platform fees, and time spent... I make about $0.12 an hour. That's less than being an extra in a show at the Fête du Lac des Nations.
But I don't just have a second job. I have a THIRD passion.
I ride a bike.
(Proud tone) I'm a cyclist. A "Rapido Vélo".
And I live... in Sherbrooke.
(Pause, looking ailing)
Sherbrooke is a city designed by an urban planner who hated cyclists. It's the only place in the world where even the bike paths along the river are on a slope!
You leave home, you're happy. You walk down King Street, you're on fire! You feel like you're in the Tour de France!
...And then you have to go back up.
The other day, I was going up the hill... I think it was the street... all of them . They're all the same. I was in Lycra. Full 'package'. I have a carbon bike that cost more than my first car.
I'm moving at 4 km/h. My heart rate is at its maximum . I feel like throwing up my "space fruit punch" flavored 'gel'.
And then there's an 82-year-old lady, with her walker, who passes me on the sidewalk.
She stops. She looks at me. She says: "Don't give up, my little guy! It's good for the heart!"
I almost had a heart attack.
So that's my life. I'm a math teacher trying to explain complicated things to you, a developer trying to sell you $4 apps, and a cyclist suffering in Lycra.
Ultimately, these three cases are the same: in all three cases, I spend my time suffering... telling myself that it's for my own good.
Thank you, good evening!
